Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want (Paperback)
An acclaimed sex therapist’s practical, playful, and inclusive guide that teaches you how to discover your deepest sexual desires, communicate your wants and needs, define your boundaries, and have the sex you want.
While popular culture is saturated with sex, the gap between informed sex education and satisfying sex is vast, and it often leaves LGBTQQ+ individuals out of the conversation entirely. Hot and Unbothered bridges that chasm, giving you explicit permission to talk about, think about, and achieve the pleasure you desire without shame or secrecy, no matter your sexual identity or gender.
In Hot and Unbothered, Yana Tallon-Hicks provides a roadmap to empower yourself and improve your relationships, sharing the unique programs she developed for her therapy clients and workshops. She begins by shattering myths about “good sex,” which is seamless, satisfying—and nearly non-existent. Once you let go of unreachable ideals, you can start to truly identify your own unique desires and fears and build the safest space to fulfill your most pleasurable sexual experiences. Yana guides you to discover your own hang-ups and overcome barriers such as shame, secrecy, misinformation, low self-esteem, lack-of-motivation, and unhealthy relationship patterns.
When the path to pleasure is cleared the fun begins! Yana helps you decide who you really are as a sexual being and how to set sexual goals. What do you want? What do you like? What have you yet to discover? And how do you want to explore? In answering these questions, you can establish and set your limits, clarify your needs, and communicate your desires to your current partner. Yana reminds you that whether your partner is a lifelong companion or a casual hook-up, your pleasure, comfort, and identity should always be supported.
Yana unpacks common stumbling blocks, troubleshoots tricky conversations, and addresses potential backslides to ensure long-lasting success. Complete with worksheets and exercises, as well as playful hand-drawn illustrations, Hot and Unbothered will help you understand, pursue, and fulfill your sexual desires now, and for the rest of your life.
Yana Tallon-Hicks, LMFT, is a sex therapist specializing in LGBTQQ+, kinky, and non-monogamous relationships. She is also a consent, sex, and sexuality columnist and educator. Whether written or with clients, her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive and consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world. She lives in Western Massachusetts.
"In Hot and Unbothered, Yana Tallon-Hicks balances open-hearted curiosity with warm compassion, creating space for readers to understand themselves and their erotic world more fully."
— Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of Come As You Are and Burnout
“Yana Tallon-Hicks weaves essential advice into a clever, comprehensive, and inclusive primer for curious humans. Hot and Unbothered is for anyone who desires to experience, navigate, embrace and enjoy a happy, healthy sex life.“ — Elle Chase, CSE, certified sex educator & coach and author of Curvy Girl Sex
“Yana Tallon-Hicks has given us a friendly and remarkably thorough pleasure-positive map to unlock the joys of sex, rich with wise advice about avoiding communication pitfalls and excellent guidelines for securing enthusiastic consent. Read it when you are starting out on any new adventure; keep it in your library as the definitive reference work.” — Dossie Easton, marriage and family therapist and co-author of The Ethical Slut
"Yana just wrote the guide to pleasurable, intimate, and hot sex we've all been waiting for. This book is relatable and practical, handing you the roadmap to a deeper, more fulfilling sexual connection with yourself and others." — Shaun Galanos, host of The Love Drive podcast
"[Yana's] advice is inclusive and mindful of different body types and abilities, as well as the myriad possible partner configurations and definitions of sex. Additionally, the author’s casual and humorous tone ensures the guidance entertains throughout. The result makes for a superb manual on having more fun in bed (or wherever)." — Publisher's Weekly